Creepy crawly

So, ever since moving, I constantly feel like I have spiders crawling on me. I've had to kill about six spiders...which I HATE. Spiders, live chickens, marionettes, mimes, and close ups on eyeballs in movies, all freak me out.

The catch to my fear of spiders, is that I don't like killing things. A few winters ago, I found a bee crawling around on my living room carpet. The thing was so weak, it couldn't fly and could barely walk around. I felt bad for the bee, so I decided to let it live in my apartment until it died of natural causes. I thought that the bee had hours left of its bee life (don't they only live for like a week?!)...apparently, I was mistaken.

For about three days, I would wake up and go hunting for the bee. I didn't want to accidentally step on it and get stung! So, on the fourth day, I decided that the bee needed to die of natural causes someplace else. I trapped the bee under a glass and then slipped a piece of paper underneath it and walked the bee downstairs to the heated garage. I don't know how long Mr. Bumblebee lived down there, but I like to think that he found a nice little warm spot and hibernated for the remainder of the winter and met up with bee friends in the spring. No need to squish my bee dream...I'm being optimistic!

Anyhow, back to the here and now. The spiders that I've found thus far have all been roaming around on the carpet. This is pretty disturbing considering I loaf around sans socks and shoes. I've had one horrendously itchy and swollen spider bite on my thigh, which leads me to believe that one of the eight legged monsters made it up my pant leg and sunk its fangs into my flesh. Blech! I don't even want to think about having a spider as a bedfellow (oh yeah, "bedfellow"...I'm like Jane Austen all of a sudden!).

So, now I'm on a spider killing rampage. Six or so down...who knows how many left! Believe me, this story is about to come to a quick ending when I find my trusty can of Raid. All vents, windows and corners will get doused in the sweet smell of poison.

Anyhow, I feel bad about killing things. I feel like I can hear Charlotte screaming as I lunge upon her with an unnecessarily large wad of paper towel. I've even been plagued with violent dreams lately. Seriously, I'm like Buffy the Vampire Slayer in my dreams...only with more grace (it is MY dream).



How can I get the spiders to stop screaming? When will I experience the silence of the spiders?